Here’s the first thing you come to realize about homelessness - SLEEP IS THE GREATEST COMMODITY OF MANKIND. Civilization is built on the zzz’s of a well-rested people. I now understand why they blast Ministry at Branch Davidians - if you are taunted by thunderous electro-metal mayhem you will not sleep, and if you do it will be fitful and brain-glitchy.
Sleep is the pinnacle of humanity. It is the jewel in our crown of dominance over nature. Sleep leads to health and happiness and the most important thing of all…dreams. And not just the dream of opening a Jamba Juice at the corner of Sepulveda and Washington, but real dreams, where the mind vomits unconscious waves of meaning, impressions and hallucination into itself like some kind of auto-fellatio machine. And the tiny, little even-more-precious jewel in the tiny-little crown that our dominance crown wears is lucid dreaming. Being able to control one’s dreams. Which at the core of our being, becomes a way to control our Jamba Juice-building dreams. We can create a conscious-subconscious feedback loop to remind ourselves of the things we want. The brain takes note of these states. We remember what if feels like to overcome adversity, even if it’s just dream adversity. Of coure I’ll never be able to fly or walk naked and invisible into the girls locker room and secretly rub my ghost genitals on bare bottoms, but the feeling I get when I fly in my lucid dreams remains part of my conscious experience.
My first disclaimer, I will be spending, at least, the next seven weeks without a permanent address. As my friend Sharon claims, “If you have friends with couches and a car you aren’t homeless.” By her definition I am not really homeless, I am merely ‘addressless.’ After having a stable home for the last 10 years, this new fact of my life perturbs and annoys me. I recently lost my house. I won’t go into details here, but being without a bed shocks my system so fully, that I am writing a Blog about my experience and you are reading it. Storing what is left (I illegally dumped about a ton of formerly precious items in an undisclosed location) of my belongings (One and half van loads worth of boxes, art and a bed) at a childhood friend’s garage (THANK YOU TRAVIS) is unnerving to say the least. I am a man without a room.
Disclaimer Number 2: I am fully able to work and have a set of skills that is in high demand. I chose not to work for the last month because I WAS LOSING MY HOME. Not to put to fine a point on it. Also, I made a tiny sum of money on the sale, so I am not destitute. I just waited too long to find new housing and the place I decided on won’t be ready until the end of July. Soooo…summer camp-outs in YOUR living room, yay! That being said, life on the road for a spoiled, lazy, idlebound sloth as myself, is a challenge AND A THING TO BLOG ABOUT. Seriously, I find it very difficult to motivate myself just to give rent to some Lord that owns the land. The fact that I don’t have kids or any other costly bad habit is probably what keeps me thinking that it’s okay to live like some kind of feral child with a trust fund.
This is my situation at the moment. Air mattress, carpet floor, great sunlight, vitamins, cozy robe. I’m actually livin’ kinda large. Those are fresh blueberries on my crate. Life is grand. Muahahahahaha [James Earl Jones’ voice.]
Disclaimer 4: I have a wonderful girlfriend who was super-helpful and extremely supportive through this disastrous time. I know homeless dudes have girlfriends, too. They get to fuckin’ just like the rest of us, but it makes my situation so much less of a situation knowing I have someone out there who loves me. And, beside her, I have a shitton of great, true, wonderful, wise, sexy, smart, delicious, generous, open and magical friends who have offered support along the way. I am in no means fearful of my future. Which brings me to…
Point Number One: Being a kind and gracious person that truly tries to find the best in others has been a bounty to me. Having faith in the people around me and letting them know exactly how much I love and appreciate them has made all the difference in my life. Am I sounding all maudlin ‘n shit? Well, those motherfuckers get EXACTLY what they deserve! (my eternal respect, shhh don’t tell my gansta persona exactly how much of a wuss I am mmmkay?) Yeah. Bitches be trippin if they think I care one bit about them (just kidding guys…love me…please.)
Point Number Two: Before I moved into the place I just moved out of, I was a desperate crackhead. Now I’m 10 years free from stranglehold of addiction. I can breath. I’m a happier, more peaceful and less fearful being. I love my life, for what it is. And now that I don’t have a Hanuman or George on my back, I am hopeful. Recently I have take my self-actualization to another plane altogether. I have been trying to live without fear. Whew. It’s even kinda scary just putting it out there. And it’s a goddam tall-ass order. Everest. There’re so many elements in our collective culture, not to mention the dark heart of human nature, that MOTHERFUCKIN THRIVE on inducing fear. In every person, every moment of the day. And just now, I have the loosest grasp on courage.
Disclaimer 5: Yeah, there are still awesome things happening for me. I have a computer, a car, etc. Buuuuut, I just got my phone turned off. And then BLAM! back on. For some reason AT&T won’t warn when you NEED to make a payment. They just cut that shit off. Let you dangle out there without a line. Bullshit. And for them, Iit’s just as easy as flipping a switch to turn it back on. But ONLY AFTER they get their GODDAM $171.24. AND they’re going to charge you for this entirely automated function. Feels like a scam. Instead of giving you the chance to make things right, they cut you off. NO SOUP FOR YOU. And punish you financially. Make you feel like a bad person because you’re busy, distracted, or emotionally challenged. Someone at that shit-hole must have a soul. I doubt it though, if humans working for those kinds of places had souls…we’ll It’d be rainbow flavored blowjobs for everyone. If just one person had the understanding that we’re all a part of the same eternal phenomena experiencing itself as love…well things would be different…better. They could reduce your payment when things were tough…offer you a lesser plan…just charge you for usage rather than a rigged ‘package.’ Or they might even call up and say in a matronly voice, “Is everything okay over there?” But they won’t. Why? They’re faceless drones working a machine designed to extract value from human endeavor. Monstrous. Evil. Anti-Christian. Dirty. How do I really feel? Grateful to do business with the devil. Cuz he totally got me laid.
Point Number 3: I love the challenge in front of me. I kinda want it to continue indefinitely. In a few days, I have to decide if I where I want to move, but in the mean time I want to see if the circus will come to town and take me away. I’ve always longed for some kind of international adventure, not knowing when or how it would end. Of course this is the Roam-antic ideal. I know it’s not practical. I know I would piss off a few folks (not the least of which would be Travis). But I’m hungry for something that will foment my passions and leave me bone dry afterwards. Living in an air-conditioned box destroys not only the body and mind, but also the soul.
Disclaimer 6: If I clog your toilet with poo, I will unclog it. I’m off to do just that.